Birthday Girl

Sleeping Lia

Twas the day before Christmas, just leaving the house
not a creature was stirring, not even Mickey Mouse.
Snug in my car seat without even a fear
in less than 24 hours Santa would be here.

Shoes and socks pulled off my cute little feet,
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse DVD set on repeat.
So much excitement on my very big day,
presents galore, I will surely play, play, play.

We have come to a stop, where are we now?,
awaking suddenly without a sullen brow.
It’s my birthday party at James Coney Island,
hot dogs, cake, and more toys made in Thailand.

Unbuckle me from the seat, I have people to see,
better yet, bring me presents from under the tree.
when, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
not a snowflake in sight, Jack Frost can kiss my rear.

A crowd at James Coney on this Christmas Eve?
If it wasn’t for friends and family I would probably leave.
Sure, test my hunger and patience on this glorious day,
Here I come front of the line, as I make my way.

“A number 1, a number 1!” I continue to call,
on deaf ears my request certainly did fall.
Orders are ready with their vein clogging paradise
Of course I get a plain wiener, only it’s sliced.

It’s safe to say I’m not really a hot dog fan, not even a sliver
maybe a good choice for someone living in a van down by the river
Just then a large finger with icing forced me to taste
“Quickly! Where is my spoon? There is no time to waste”

I will eat this stuff day and night until I am Eleven
Pinch me quick, because I must be in heaven.
Sure, toys are great and they have their place
Try and take this away, and I’ll spray you with mace.

Birthday is winding down and I am getting pretty tired
but come tomorrow morning I will be ready and wired
So I end with a yawn now that the cake has made me a fatty
This was the best 1st birthday ever… thank you daddy.

Lia Walks

Lia Walks

Lia decided she would give me the best birthday present ever by walking for me. We just happened to be at our good friends Kathy and Russ’ as I was showing how she could take a few steps, when all of a sudden she Riverdanced all the way from the kitchen into the living room on a 13 step crusade. No words could explain the look on my face as I’m sure it matched the shocked look everyone had when the O.J. Simpson verdict was read. My first reaction was “Yeah, she is walking”, quickly followed by “Oh No, she is walking.”

All jokes aside, it is a moment I will cherish forever and I thank God that I was there to witness it with such great friends. When it is time for me to walk Lia down the aisle to give her away to her future husband, I’m almost positive that this moment will play over in my head and bring a tear to my eye.

Lia, I want you to know as you sit on my lap while I write this, that you will always be daddy’s little girl and my sweet angel. This years birthday present from you to me was seeing you walk. Is it safe to say your present to me next year will be a bottle of Just For Men after a full year of chasing you around with your newly acquired talent?

Sunday Sleep-in

Dylan Chair

I decided after working almost all day yesterday that I was going to forgo church this morning and “lazy day” it and sleep in a little. Just as I am slowly waking up I feel a weight on the side of my stomach that I don’t remember feeling when I went to sleep last night. Since I am facing outward and sleeping on my side I slowly roll over and realize Dylan is sleeping on his side, facing me with his paw just above my hip. It’s then that I realize that he is sort of spooning me.

I quickly jumped out of bed and exclaim “Dude!”, as I’m sure any other straight guy would do. I then begin to tell him that I don’t care if he grows up to learn the piano, wear flamboyant outfits and glasses and change his name to Elton (not that there is anything wrong with that), but I will support him regardless.

I do realize that he is only 5.5 months now, and he is learning about his body, but does he really have to mount every male dog at the dog park? I mean come on, I’m sure Ang Lee is not currently scouting talent for Broke Ridgeback Mountain. Needless to say, Dylan will now be sleeping in his blue chair; which I’m sure he will outgrow in about 10 more minutes.

Faux Snow

Faux Snow

85 degrees, partly cloudy with 90% humidity and a chance of long lines, screaming children, and yellow snow. Yes, that’s right it was the annual snow fest at the museum where a measly five dollars bought you 15 minutes in a 40’x 60′ snow landscape mixture of sweat, slush and misguided snow balls. It could have easily have been sponsored by Red Bull since the children acted as if they had slurped down a six pack of them before being thrust into the faux winter bliss.

Lia was the exception, and of course led by example. She puckered up the pout lip and began to give her Oscar winning performance of how to act when you sit on cold wet stuff when you are dry. Since I was covered in sweat from the humidity, my bum completely wet from the snow, and not to mention I was starving, I decided to join her in her show of misery. Of course, my only thought was somehow my father secretly followed us up there just so he could jump out from behind a tree and exclaim “Shut up, before I give you both something to really cry about!”

What I found truly amazing was it seemed as if she was in her own little world as she would play with a small snowball or kick her foot into the ice without any regard to the commotion around her. It’s as if she was calculating how many facets had quickly developed into small hexagonal prisms from the water vapor condensing. I’m sure it was either that, or she was working on a doodie.

See pics here.

Devil in disguise

Dylan Couch

Objects in picture are larger than they appear. What can only be described as pie plates next to his head are in fact his paws. Yes, this is the infamous Dylan. I was fortunate enough to capture this still image of him before the shutter snap awoke him from his slumber. Up until this picture was taken, he was sort of like a Bigfoot myth since every photo of him was a blur. He does exist as I have the dog food and horse scale receipts to prove it. Although he is only 5 months old, he is already 69 lbs. and STILL growing. Initial estimates put him at 110-125. Well my friends, we are now talking anywhere between 130-140. I’m really not worried about his size since I wanted a large Rhodesian to begin with. Also, the fact that he is very good with Lia and walks gingerly around her is great and was my biggest concern.

You see, Dylan is a Rhodesian Ridgeback. Part lion hunter, part counter surfer and part couch potato. He is as sly as a hippo, and until recently, just edged out my pet rock on intelligence. With catatonic like reflexes, he lets treats bounce of his head when thrown to him. I must say he is wising up quickly though, and has recently learned the art of distraction. For instance, he knows if he goes and grabs a shoe out of my closet, I will grab the shoe away from him, say “No!” and return it back to my closet. Now the other day, same scenario happened except I was eating some cereal and as I returned Dylan had a milk mustache and then had the audacity to lay down before I got back and acted like nothing ever happened. You see, he is getting smart..but not smart enough to realize that lapping tongues, and spoons edging around the bowl make sound, and sound travels.


Lia Dinnertime

So much on my mind, where to begin? The idea of having a blog for my daughter is a direct result of family, friends, and co-workers asking how Lia was doing and what new things she was up to. It’s usually considered water cooler talk to my co-workers, but I usually have to give them an abridged version of “what’s new with Lia?” otherwise I would probably follow them back to their desk and proceed to have a scrap booking party in honor of her. What can I say, I guess I am a proud papa although I despise that phrase immensely. It almost sounds like a mid 20’s gangster movie. “Nahhh you see, Mugsy and I are put’n a hit out on proud papa next time we see him, Nahhh”.

It’s actually amazing to my friends that I actually had offspring considering how much I am owed back for the things I got away with as a kid. Anything short of pulling out my hair before I’m 40 will be a huge disappointment to my friends and family. Sure… they all want me to be happy, it’s the stories of pain, strife and grief of raising a child they truly revel in. I keep reminding them that Lia is an angel and she will be home schooled until she is 26 and she will not date anyone until she is 30. It’s when they are on the floor curled up laughing that it hits me like a ton of bricks, I must have spinach in my teeth.