Archive for January 16th, 2009

In Loving Arms

Who knows what dreams really mean, after all they are sometimes incoherent pulses of the subconscious mind.  For some reason, mine can sometimes make me pay attention to something that I didn’t put a lot of thought into the first time around.  Last night was one of those times.

In my dream you were probably closer to 4 or 5 and you were riding a bike with no training wheels and very independent in your thoughts and actions.  I was following close behind to watch you how you interacted with the world around yo, but you didn’t know I was there.  It was sad because it was like you were finding your own way in life without any help from your mother or father and you were like a latch-key kid in your own little world.  It bothered me because you are very loved by both of us and hopefully we have provided you with the correct parenting thus far.  You didn’t talk to strangers and you didn’t wander off into a bad part of the neighborhood, but danger was all around you.  The dream went on with me following you and sort of hearing your thoughts on what you were going to do next.  They were simple thoughts but of advanced maturity at your age in the dream.

When I awoke from the dream I was saddened.  I realized that the neighborhood was actually my old one when I was growing up and the little girl I thought was you was actually me.  Although I chose to live with my father and although he provided for me, I had to mature on my own a little faster than most kids at 11.  I had the ability to go anywhere and do anything without his consent, but I always had a sense of awareness of what was dangerous and what not to get into.  I don’t blame my father for lack of parenting, because even though he could have been better at providing a better rearing for me, I believe God was there to provide for me the nurturing I needed to become who I am today.

I’m not sure what exactly you might take from this, but I felt compelled to write about it.  No matter what life throws your way or no matter what troubles you may have growing up I will always be here for you.  The inevitability for you to disappointment me is always going to be there as it is with any parent, but my love for you will overcome any obstacle or situation.  I will also pray for any lack of parenting on my behalf, that the lord will show you the way as he did for me.